Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
