PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
