GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
