His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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