i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
