well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
