I'll bet she douches with gravy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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