I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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