About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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