i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
