i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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