Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm bleeding and have questions
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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