i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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