Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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