I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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