My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
