really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
