exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Someone signed my nipple.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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