hell yes lets make some ravioli
where am i from again
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
