dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
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i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
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I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.