i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?