Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?