Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.