Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.