my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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