That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
