I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
