First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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