last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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