I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
