Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
