Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
