first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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