whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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