he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
