Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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