Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
