is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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