You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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