U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
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