when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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