She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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