man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
