So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
