He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
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