at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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