Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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