She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
