he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
