i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
