guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
