Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
third nipple confirmed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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