how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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