Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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