I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
