i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
