I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
