if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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