whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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