I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
