His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
