atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
