is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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