and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
