Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize