Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
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I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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