she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
