I'd wear matching sweaters with you
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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