obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
