Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
