Will you blow on my dice?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
