So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
