I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
