porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
